Havent had a way to get online and to be honest it makes you feel lost almost empty. But simce my last post i have moved back to oklahoma  amd things were scary and was wondering if i would go back to my old ways and i so i stayed home like a hermit. So I picked  back up my bible and started praying more again and went to church with my grandpa girlfriend as soon as i walked in the door i felt comfort and peace. That was long over due since i cant even recall a sense of piece in my life before then. But i stay going to church on Sundays and reading daily like my talk to God since he is the only sober person i knew at this point. Wednesday nights now are bible study and its only the second week into them and I am participating and understanding what i read and hear. Knowledge is on many different levels , you can have street knowledge , book knowledge but there is nothing like the knowledge that comes from the holy spirit. Some may argue that there is no such thing but in my addiction i became all to familiar with the demonic spirits and doings of this world that when i was able to experience  the presence of the holy spirit there is no turning back.

Today makes 142 days clean and i got a visit from my longtime friend and her son, i enjoyed that all to well she brought me a Sarah Young Jesus is calling book and we had the fist sober conversation on my part probably since we met. Once she left i took the wrapper off and realized that she spent as much money on that book as what a quarter paper of meth used to cost us back in the days of partying. I almost wanted to cry cuz of all things that i could think about was wow maybe we arent toxic as we were in the past. She has a job and graduated from drug class im so excited because she used to be sober for awhile when i wasnt and i was toxic in her recovery and to see how far we both have come is just amazing. Without the Lord in our lives nothing like this would be even possible.
Tonight is the last day of 2015 and its pretty nice to end it with sobriety , faith and knowledge. Sobriety from my demons, faith in the Lord and myself and the knowledge to understand my disease and the knowledge to understand what the Lord has instore for his children.

knowledge of my faith and addiction

Understanding my disease and growing in my faith has taken me well over 90 days. Some days its felt like hell months but the more time ive put into myself  i can honestly say this is the best ive ever understood anything and everything  ive ever felt or had lack of feeling for. Far too long ive coped or masked emotions that now i see most clear now. I can only move forward  rebuild a safe and loving relationship with my kids, family and my higher power. Along the way i felt sad that i was losing so called friends but now ive come to realize my true friends and how muchni love my kids and family. Addiction is a disease that noone will never understand until  i put forth the effort to learn and take accountability. Maybe this is my rough draft to something that will benefit others who felt the lonliness and self destruct i had for over half my- all i pray for is forgiveness and understanding that this second chance benefits those i love and those who loved me when i gave up on myself-

The sobriety thing has definetly gotten easier if I take it day by day. I do miss my peoples back home and there are days i just  want to come home. I think if I can get and stay clean in sin city without rehab or a sponsor just me and my higher power and gaining knowledge on my addiction has gotten me 56 days clean

just for today

51 one days and counting. Ive never imagined how being clean physically and spiritualy. But definetly the best blessing any one could recieve.
The more God centered we become the less self centered we are.
Despair turns to hope,with a higher power in my life there is finalliy hope. Going through this process was pure hell until i regained faith and im recieving wisdom to carry forward. I only take my depression and anxiety plus my scitzo meds. Ive educated myself to only takemy prescribed meds and that in itself is the help from my higher power. Im now seeking out a sponor older and been where ive been. One my way to service so for now thats all i can give butbso much more knowledge to pass on. I will be grateful for feedback and advice.(One Day At A Time)

thirty more

All in all vegas turned out to be what was needed. Each day im learning more about myself ,addictions and faith. Not sure a month ago about any of those when i touched down but its definetly A learning experience. Kailee loves her school and we can relate and get along great with our Neighbors upstairs. They understand us mainly i think because we are from the eastcoast and they understand mental illness. I am thankful for my sister but not everyone person can completely save another. Direction is what i came for and becoming stronger in my faith is now what i need everyday. Knowledge is what will take me another thirty days

day1

we are on the greyhound outta Oklahoma!
some say it took too long but It could be just in time. So we will be in oas very gas in about 20 hours. I didn't get to say goodbye to my DJ but I did get a text saying he will be doing it to. We gonna be the musketeers again without the key ingredient for disaster. I've only fooled myself to think I had shit under control but its only. Been since march I had brain surgery and shooting dope is not something I ever thought could become. Me. Since I've done everything atlasl